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Funderwear

Mama has been out of work for over three months now.  That’s kind of like the doggie equivalent of a year and nine months – so that makes me happy that Mama has been around home for so long.  I know she feels bad because if she was working she would be bringing in income, like Daddy is, but I can’t help but feel lucky that she is home to spend time with me.  She and Daddy are trying to make the best of the situation, and both joke that since they can’t dwell on misfortune, this will just have to be Mama’s “Summer of Funemployment” – attitude is everything, after all.

I don’t know about unemployment – like I’ve said before, I’m not a working dog – but I do know about undies.

Now why, you ask, would I know about undies?  After all, I am a dog and I have talked before about how I don’t like getting dressed up.  Well, that is true, but I am not talking about undies for me to wear – that would just be silly.  I’m talking about undies to play with.

I don’t remember exactly how it started.  I think it was one time that Daddy and Mama weren’t in the bedroom, and I noticed a pair of undies that had missed the hamper where they put their dirty laundry.  I thought they looked fun, and since they had been worn, they smelled like My People.  Please don’t think I mean that in an icky way or that I am saying My People stink: We dogs can pick up on a whole lot more scents than you humans can, and anything that smells remotely like My People (any clothes that might have gotten sweaty – like underpants) is nice to me.  I liked those undies, and I brought them up on the bed with me to lick at and cuddle.  Eventually I got bored (I don’t play with toys very long) and left them there to go do something else.  This happened a few times, and Mama started to figure out what was going on.  She never actually caught me with them, but she would find these discarded undies on the bed and quickly came to realize how they got there.  Her suspicions were confirmed when one time she got out of the shower and found a pair of her undies and a pair of Daddy’s undies laying side by side crumpled on the bed.  She informed Daddy of this discovery.

“Well you know what this means,” he replied, “It means that Piper is playing Barbies with our underwear.”

I don’t know what Barbies are, but I really don’t care that they know about my underwear escapades.  Humans talk a lot about having “guilty pleasures,” but we dogs don’t really get the concept of that.  Why should something you enjoy make you feel bad?  If it is a pleasure, you should enjoy it – and who cares what anyone else thinks?

This was the beginning of my love affair with underpants.  I don’t play with a whole lot of toys, but I will almost always happily nose through underpants that missed the hamper.  One night I came downstairs to check on Mama, who was still awake – but, not wanting to leave my makeshift toy, I brought a pair of undies in my mouth.  She laughed and took it away from me and put it in her bathrobe pocket, which I found baffling – she doesn’t take away any of my other toys!  Another time Mama did a load of laundry, and she tossed her clean undies in a pile on the couch as she folded other items.  Even though I much prefer undies that have already been worn, I was ready to accept these too.  I jumped on the couch and curled up on the pile of undies.

Do you mind?

Mama thought this was funny, so she added to this tableau.  As I was starting to doze, I didn’t mind much.

Although this was a nice snoozing place for a while, as a whole undies are best when already worn and used as a toy, not bedding.  In fact, a few times after I have had my fill of playing, I have left pairs next to my other toys:

But I should warn you, as much as I love playing with undies, it’s not always fun and games.  One time while Mama was showering, I thought I’d have some fun – and ended up in a predicament I couldn’t get myself out of.  I had to wait till she was done with her shower for her to help.

Look, I don’t know how I did it – can you please untangle me now?!

Both Daddy and Mama seem to think my affinity for underpants (funderpants!) is silly and perhaps even weird, but as I’ve never destroyed any undies, they regard it as a relatively harmless pastime.  Do any of your animals have any odd pastimes?

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